A Drunk Idiot's Guide to "Rushing the Field"

I get it... when you drink, everything is awesome. Words are too awesome to speak so you shout them, beers are too awesome to drink so you pound them, and yes... watching your football team win a game is super awesome, but enough is enough. As an alumni at the University of Colorado and witnessing the garbage that is the CU student section rushing the field this last weekend after beating a (1-3) Georgia team, it has become completely necessary to establish some etiquette on when to rush the field at a football game.

Instead of ranting and writing a few paragraphs about proper "field rush" etiquette, I will make it a simple list of qualifications that would deem you eligible for the biggest act of celebration in sports. This list is intended for drunk idiots... not classy people.

1. You win the National Championship (for the first time in over 15 years)

2. Your unranked team has been God awful for years and you just beat a top ranked team. (i.e. CU/Oklahoma 2007, UCLA/Texas 2010)

3. You just beat your arch-nemesis rival whom you haven't beat in over 10 years (on the last play of the game)

4. It is the last game in your stadium before your school raises out-of-state tuition and builds a new one. (... and you win)

5. Justin Bieber is on the 50 yard line signing autographs

I remember my first (and only) time rushing the field. It was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. As a kid I had imagined what it would be like to be a spectator at one of the all-time game great games and rushing onto that field with my fellow students and celebrating that moment in my school's history. When CU upset #3 Oklahoma in 2007 (27-24) it was ecstasy. My friends and I had been cheering and jumping so ecstatically that we actually broke the bleachers in half (and almost got arrested for trying to take the slab of wood home with us). The Buffs hadn't defeated a top 5 opponent since the Big 12 Championship in 2001, and when our boys went out there and spoiled any national title hopes that the Sooners had it was my proudest moment as a Buff fan.

Take that into consideration, "my proudest moment as a Buff fan." This wasn't just a big game, there's a few big games every year. Every once in a while an opportunity presents itself in time for someone, something, some people, to achieve (actual) greatness. Rushing the field should be held to a sacred category of celebration and only be used in the case of witnessing true, utter, unbelievable, and unmistakable greatness.

So, can you please find the courage to question yourself before you hop that barrier, "is this perhaps my biggest, proudest, and most emotionally binding experience for myself as a fan and my team?" It probably is not... Will I look back in twenty years and tell my kids about that time Colorado beat a 1-3 (now 1-4) football team? Hell to the no. I'm not trying to lecture you or put you down... okay I am, but this is for your own good and the good of our future generations.

For the sake of saving the biggest of celebratory acts, keep it on a pedestal. Keep it out of reach. Let the moment in history carry you to the top floor, reaching for the stars, and thanking God that you had the opportunity to be a part of the history you just witnessed. Let that moment be the time you will remember forever.

Wanna Know How I Know Uruguay?

Because you just lost to the Dutch. Wow, what a game that was... While I would not say that I am a member of the "football" fan club, I can say that I have enjoyed watching the World Cup more than I would have anticipated. This last game in particular featuring Netherlands and Uruguay gave me a little more added confidence that soccer IS in fact fun to watch (sometimes).

As much as I hate any thing that calls itself a sport that can end in a tied final outcome, this World Cup has given Americans soccer fever. Why? Well, as Americans we will root for OUR country no matter what, but where the fever kicks in is that I am noticing major trends, including myself, in rooting for heritage and other countries outside of our own. The anatomy of sports fanatics are those whose emotions are invested into athletes that they themselves feel connected to in some sort of way. So, obviously now that the U.S. soccer team is out of the World Cup after being defeated by Ghana, I am reaching back to my heritage to support the Germans in this tournament. Their upcoming match against Spain will surely be a great one and I plan to rock the Black, Red, and Yellow with a Beck's in my hand.

The point is, fanhood cannot simply be limited to one team, one country, or even one sport; especially in America. The melting pot country that we are provides us with a melting pot of people, teams, and sports, so to limit to yourself to one team, one sport, or even one country is to some extent un-American. My gospel here is that true fanhood is the gratifying feeling that one gets from investing their emotions into athletic competition. Whether you win or lose, whether its "your" team or just the team that fills your emotional void (i.e. Germany), true fanaticism is in the eye (and heart) of the fanhood-holder.

Viva la Mouthpiece. Go Germany!

Golden "Showtime" Tate

Earlier this month "Showtime" Tate showed me something that I want to reveal to the world... Athletes are people like you and me!.. besides being extremely talented and making a living out of playing sports. To open up the topic of this story I will quote Mike Tyson from everybody's favorite comedy, 'The Hangover', "We all do dumb s#!t when we're f^*ked up..." And that's exactly what this former Notre Dame football star did. No, he didn't steal a tiger, but at 3am, Tate stole a ladies' keys from Top Pot Donut Shop in Seattle then proceeded to break in and steal their renowned maple bars.

The good ole' boy from South Bend was described as "drunk and being retarded". Haha YES! All too often do we only get to see our boys in uniform (no, not the military) on their best behavior on-field and during press conferences. Finally, we get a story about an athlete doing the dumb stuff most people do when they're hammered. Munchies? I've had a few... 20 dollars at Del Taco? A 555 deal from Domino's party of 2? Nutella and Peanut Butter (the best of all)? Hell yes. What Golden Tate displayed was of importance to fans everywhere. We fail to remember that athletes go deeper than up and down the field, they also sometimes drink themselves retarded like you and me. Not that something like breaking and entering should be celebrated, but the fact that Golden "Showtime" Tate was quoted after the incident saying "the smell of the maple bars was 'irresistible'" should be! Who releases that statement to the police besides the drunkest, hungriest of human beings? Showtime's no superman, he's super drunk and just super-"human".

After hearing the story and finally finding some different sort of entertainment in the regular sports news, the story went bitter. Conversation of punishments, public apologies, and questions of how to handle this improper action was all this great story turned into. It is as if we have turned professional sports into 24/7 professionalism. Contract agreements aside, when athletes are not in their uni's, they should be people like you and me, celebrating the gift of life and craving donuts at 3am. We cannot turn our athletes into machines and we will never be able to, so why do we treat them that way?

Golden apologized for his actions and Pete Caroll shared his thoughts about the incident saying, "well, no I am not disappointed in the guy being at a donut shop when they got maple bars like Top Pot does, however under the circumstances I think they were closed or something like that'... 'Though I do understand the lure of the maple bars." There's good old Petey doing what he does. He is a players best friend, he will protect you in the media whether you're drunk and stealing maple bars or even perhaps accepting large amounts of money for compensation of later engagements with a sports agency (i.e Reggie Bush). What the rookie receiver from the Seattle Seahawks did is not serious. I mean, put it in perspective. University of Miami Hurricanes steal cars, our University of Notre Dame Golden Domer stole maple bars. So, to Golden Tate, I thank you again for bringing joyous entertainment to my life and thank you for being super-human.

Welcome to The Mouthpiece

A breath of fresh air? More like a good punch in pie hole. This is The Mouthpiece, sports news that offers in depth coverage of all the major sports and athletes in the greatest sports from the greatest country in the world, Merica'! My aim for this blog is to give readers up-to-date sports news that holds nothing back and doesn't rely on "Journalism-kids-gone-sports" to get and give the information we demand about our teams and our superstars. This is a sports blog for the fans written, researched, and thoroughly enjoyed along the way by yours truly, Marty O'Connor (the- "a step above crazy, emotionally invested, egotistical, wear your pride on your license plate" type fan).

What's behind the name? The Mouthpiece is the crucial piece of equipment in all sports that entail you getting your teeth smashed in. My blog strives to devour other writers' articles in the sports industry by bringing back fanhood, personality, and lifestyle to the news, teams, and athletes we desire. Oh... and yes it is also a cheesy double-meaning title. What you won't find here is the everyday stats-driven hoopla you find in those skinny columns on the side of a newspaper. What you will find, however, is that this is what sports and being a sports fan is all about! So, throw in your mouthpiece and get ready because The Mouthpiece is about to punch you straight into my world of full contact sports news.